


Drivers License

by not_yuuyan



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Driving, M/M, Oneshot, Post-Break Up, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29400687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_yuuyan/pseuds/not_yuuyan
Summary: Yuto couldn't fall asleep that night. He went to his living room and sat down as he stared blankly down at his coffee table as his eyes found his car keys lying there.
Relationships: Nakajima Yuto/Yaotome Hikaru, Yabu Kota/Yaotome Hikaru
Kudos: 3





	Drivers License

**Author's Note:**

> hihi!! i'm back again!
> 
> this time with an angst story hehe! this is actually quite??? short like the story itself hahahaha! 
> 
> and yes this is based on Olivia Rodrigo's Drivers License! I've been obsessed with the song since it came out so it kinda got stuck with me and inspired me to write this huhuhu :c 
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading this (well it's sad so uhm don't cry okay) !! 
> 
> till we meet again in the next one!

**_I got my driver’s license last week_ **

**_Just like we always talked about_ **

**_‘Cause you were so excited for me_ **

**_To finally drive up to your house_ **

Yuto couldn’t sleep that night. He stared blankly at his ceiling as he felt the space beside him feel even more colder and empty. He sighed as he sat up, very much awake. He looked around his very cold room, feeling very dejected all over again. He should be over this. Over  _ him _ . 

It’s been a whole year now. They cried about it. They talked about it. They agreed they would be happy even without each other. They promised each other. Yuto promised  _ him _ .

Yuto dragged his body to the bathroom to wash his face, since he knew it’s going to be a long night anyway. He went to his living room and sat down as he stared blankly down at his coffee table as his eyes found his car keys lying there. 

_ “I’ll never pass the damn test! I swear the instructor hates me! This is my 2nd time and he still failed me! If this isn’t a sign that he hates me, I don’t know what he needs to do for me to show you that he does.” Yuto complained to his boyfriend as he laid down on his lap.  _

_ Hikaru chuckled softly as he patted Yuto’s head, gently brushing his hair. “I’m pretty sure he doesn’t Yu… You just got to be more confident in driving and you’ll do better! Thirds’ time the charm, love.” _

_ Yuto sat up and faced his boyfriend, pouting. “I want to get my license faster Hika! You keep driving over here, picking me up and driving us everywhere… I… I want to pick you up and drive you around too…” looking down at his thighs. _

_ “Hey hey hey… I would love for you to drive me around, pick me up from schedules or from my place! But I can wait for you to get it okay? I’m excited for that day to come, Yuu! I’m pretty sure I want a boyfriend who can drive me around legally and safely.. Besides... there’s other things that we can do with- in a car… without legally having a license you see…” Hikaru started to caress his boyfriend’s thighs, wanting to change the mood and lift the youngers’ spirit.  _

_ Yuto looked up at him as he chuckled at his boyfriends’ actions. “Here I am wallowing about getting my license and you’re really gonna distract me with sex?”  _

_ “Why? You don’t want to?” Hikaru started to lean into Yuto's ear as he nibbled on it, earning a groan from him.  _

_ “Never said I didn’t though.” Yuto replied as he pulled the elder away from his ear and pulled him into a deep kiss.  _

_ And Hikaru was right. Third’s time the charm and Yuto finally passed his test and got his drivers’ license. Yuto started to pick his boyfriend up from his place and ventured down roads and places they had never been to before together. _

_ Yuto couldn’t deny that he was enjoying driving, a lot. He could see the gleam in Hikaru’s eyes everytime the younger picks him up. There was definitely something different about Yuto being the one taking the initiative to bring Hikaru around, leading on since it was always the elder doing it.  _

Yuto instinctively grabbed his car keys and a jacket from his room as he left his apartment. He started his car and looked at the vacant seat that used to be Hikaru’s. He drove off to some random street or road that looked familiar but at the same time foreign to him. He kept driving down the street as he saw a very much familiar restaurant that he used to frequently go to with Hikaru.

**_But today I drove through the suburbs_ **

**_Crying ‘cause you weren’t around_ **

He drove past it and saw all the memories he had with him flash before his mind. He went to park near the area as he started crying. Bawling his tears out, hitting his head on the steering wheel knowing that nothing will change. He can’t change anything about them. It’s too late to try and fix anything now.

Besides, it’s not like they didn’t try. They did. So many times. But it wasn’t enough. They weren’t enough for each other. Yuto swore he would do anything to get Hikaru back, to make him see they could fix them but Hikaru was tired. So he broke it. He told Yuto that they were not going anywhere, that they were stuck and the only way for them to move on was to leave  _ them _ behind. So that’s what they did, yet Yuto’s here, denying reality, drowning in something that has been abandoned.

**_And you’re probably with that blonde girl_ **

**_Who always made me doubt_ **

**_She’s so much older than me_ **

**_She’s everything I’m insecure about_ **

He watched how Hikaru has moved on. The way Hikaru has been smiling, laughing, flirting with someone else, the way he used to with him. He saw how the elder has been spending a tad more time with someone else, leaving with him, arriving to work with him. Yuto has seen how Hikaru has been really happy with Yabu, as he did with him. 

They’ve been best friends since forever. Yuto has always admired their friendship even when they were together. Yuto had no reason to be jealous of Yabu at all since Hikaru has always reminded of how much he loves him but that wasn’t good enough of a reason for Yuto to feel insecure towards the eldest. 

Yabu was the most trustworthy of the bunch. Yabu had this unspeakable leadership since he was young. He had the angelic voice of the group as well. Phenomenal talent was inborn in Yabu. Yuto had to constantly practice his talents to prove himself to be enough for the group and yet Yabu will always be enough. 

Yuto knew Yabu had feelings for Hikaru, more than the friendly kind. The way Yabu looked at Hikaru was all too familiar to Yuto. Yabu has been looking at Hikaru the same way as Yuto had and still does now. Even when Yuto and Hikaru got together, Yabu never tried to get in between them. Having that beautiful smile on his face, congratulating the couple when they announced it to their friends.

Now the tables have turned and Yuto felt miserable. He couldn’t stand Yabu and Hikaru flirting at corners of the room. Or when the eldest would grab Hikaru’s hand and intertwine their fingers as they leave together. He would even catch a glance of a hickey on Hikaru’s neck. Yuto felt disgusted as he watched them. He couldn’t imagine how Yabu must’ve felt when they were still together. 

**_Yeah, today I drove through the suburbs_ **

**_‘Cause how could I love someone else?_ **

Yuto managed to swallow his tears and drove out of the area as he continued on the road. He missed Hikaru.

He really, really,  _ really, _ misses him.

He even considered selling off his car just to get another one. Hikaru was the one who recommended the car to Yuto. They bought his car together, they shared so many adventures together, heck there’s so much inappropriate stuff that they’ve done in that damn car. Yuto could still feel Hikaru’s stare, touch on him from the passenger’s seat. He has never imagined life without the elder by his side. Hikaru was his first and could very well be his last love at this point. 

**_And I know we weren’t perfect_ **

**_But I’ve never felt this way for no one_ **

**_And I just can’t imagine how you could be so okay now that I’m gone_ **

How could Hikaru be okay? How could he move on so easily from them? How could he still see Yuto, work with him, smile at him, laugh with him, knowing that they shared a past together, that Yuto is still in love with him? Yuto couldn’t get his mind around it. Yuto dreaded work, especially when they had to be paired up, be it photoshoots or music videos or ItaJan.

Was Hikaru acting okay for the sake of the staff? How could he be causally touching Yuto knowing that his touches burn on him? He was- is happy. He watches Hikaru leave the set, walking towards a familiar car that wasn’t his, getting into the passenger seat, as he saw Yabu sitting in the drivers’ and they drove off together. 

**_Guess you didn’t mean what you wrote in that song about me_ **

_ “No Yuto… It’s really not that good! It’s just some scribbles I wrote down. It’s nothing. C’mon give it back!” Hikaru sulked towards the younger. Yuto thanked his lucky stars that puberty was nice to him and he was taller than his boyfriend as he held up the piece of paper filled with lyrics and music notes. _

_ “Oh c’mon Hika! Indulge me a little! I promise I won’t laugh if it sounds stupid. Please!” Hikaru sighed as he gave in to the younger. He can never say no to him. Yuto smiled victoriously as he put his arm down and sat down next to his sulking boyfriend. _

_ “Life has never been more colourful before you came? Seriously Hika?” Yuto looked at his boyfriend, suggestively. “You said you won’t laugh Yu…” Hikaru continued to sulk. “Okay okay I’m sorry Hika. Really. But what made you want to write this suddenly? I know you love writing songs but they’re usually really intense or heartbreaking like Come Back. Looking at the chords, I’m presuming it’s a slow song?” Yuto asked, genuinely wanting an answer.  _

_ Hikaru sighed and disappeared for a while and got his ukulele out. Yuto just stared at him, blankly. Hikaru put the piece of paper on the coffee table as he started to stream the ukulele strings to the music notes written. He started to sing the lyrics written down and finished the song.  _

_ Yuto was awed by his boyfriend. “Is… Is it about me?” he asked, shy all of a sudden.  _

_ “Must I say, duh?” Hikaru joked as he placed his ukulele down. Yuto looked up to his boyfriend wanting a serious answer. Hikaru could only place a kiss on his boyfriend as he pulled away and looked into his eyes. “Yes Yuu. I wrote this song… thinking about you… for you...”  _

_ Yuto’s eyes sparkled as he looked at the elder. “For me?”  _

_ “Yeah… Cringe right? I’m sorry. It’s still in its development stage. I have to improve the lyrics and the music notes… This is just stupid -” Yuto shut his boyfriend up with a deep kiss, pulling the elder closer by the neck, finding his tongue in the mix. They went on it for a while before pulling away for air.  _

_ “It’s not stupid Hika. I love it. How raw this song was… I can feel your feelings… How exposed the lyrics are... about your feelings for me… I could only wish I can write songs like this to show you how much you mean to me too.”  _

_ Hikaru pulled the younger into a hug and caressed his back. “You have your own little quirky ways of showing your love Yuu. And I love that about you. We have forever together. Forever for you to love me in your lil quirky ways.” _

_ “Forever huh? I like the sound of that… especially since I know I’ll be with you.” Yuto hugged the elder back, holding tightly onto him.  _

**_‘Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street_ **

Yuto kept driving along the roads, streets. He was wondering where the hell he was driving to, since he had no destination, until he stepped on the brakes, looking at where he arrived at. The very place that Yuto and Hikaru promised to come back to during their anniversary, yet here he is, alone, without Hikaru.

He got out of his car and stared out, looking at the dark scenery upon him. The place is beautiful in the daylight, especially during sunrise. The warmth he felt then is gone. It was cold, still and pathetic almost. Yuto wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep warm. 

_ “Yuu! It’s freezing here! You really dragged me out of my very comfortable and warm bed at 4:30am for this?! I can’t see anything!” Hikaru was complaining nonstop since Yuto decided to wake him up and dragged his body over. _

_ “The sunrise is coming soon! C’mon Hika please! I’ll keep you warm! C’mere I’ll hold you. It’ll be worth it, I promise.” Yuto said, wrapping his arms around the elder, holding him tight from the back.  _

_ The elder gave in and waited, staring at the darkness, focusing on his boyfriend’s body heat around him and soon enough the sky began to change. The sun rose up through the horizon as the light shone across the landscape below it, showcasing the beautiful little houses and streets, some people walking out from their homes, indulging themselves in the sunrise. It was warm, soothing and felt like home.  _

_ “Still hate me for dragging you out of bed?” Yuto whispered into the elder’s ears. “...You win. I’ve never felt more relaxed in my life until now. And all sarcasm aside, thank you for dragging me out of bed at 4:30 Yutti. I really like this. It’ll be nice to come here together once in a while to take our minds off things.” the elder replied, holding the youngers’ arms around him, basking in the sunrise, view and the heat from his lovely boyfriend.  _

Yuto sighed as he thought of the beautiful memories he shared with Hikaru. He shed yet another tear, in the cold darkness. He got back in his car and drove off. 

**_Red lights, stop signs_ **

**_I still see your face in the white cars, front yards_ **

**_Can't drive past the places we used to go to_ **

He continued to drive. Home, he guesses? A red light. He stops and sighs. He can’t count the amount of times he has sighed the moment he left his house at such an unspeakable time. He looked around the area.

He recognized the places he had unforgettable dates with Hikaru. The smile that the elder showed him countless times, the warm hand that always held his, the little kisses getting stolen from his lips when it was empty around them. He saw them all appear. 

_ “That was the worst yakisoba I’ve ever had in my entire life. How did you even find this place creditable Hika?” Yuto complained as he got into the car. “I literally searched “Famous Yakisoba Restaurants” Yutti! Not my fault they obviously got their taste buds wrong.” Hikaru shot back, getting into the drivers’ seat. _

_ “I swear if I had my drivers’ license, I’d leave you behind for making me eat that horrible meal.” he replied, sarcastically. “And I’m glad you failed, twice at it. So you can have the choice of going home by yourself, and be greeted by silence or to stay in this car, going home with me where I will greet you by kneeling down, sucking your dick, begging for forgiveness and maybe I’ll let you fuck me?” Hikaru lewdly replied. _

_ Yuto tensed up, eyes widening by the elder’s bold reply, not that he wasn’t used to it, he just always gets nervous and hot every time he does that. “Drive fast Hika. And you better be good or I won’t let you come and I won’t forgive you.” Hikaru heard the tenseness in the youngers’ voice and chuckled at his boyfriend’s reaction as he stepped on the pedals and drove as fast as he could to his house.  _

Green light. Thank god it was early in the morning, when everyone is just waking up now. Yuto sighed again. He stepped on the pedals as he drove off. He took a turn into an unfamiliar road instead, knowing if he took the familiar one, he’d end up seeing Hikaru’s face again. 

**_God, I'm so blue, know we're through_ **

**_But I still fuckin' love you, babe_ **

He managed to drive back home safe. He parked his car and went up to his apartment. He unlocked the door, only to be greeted with silence and coldness. The sun was up. He saw the sunshine peeped through his curtains onto the floor. He covered them up to have nothing peeping in. He sat back down on his bed, where he felt he could fall asleep anytime now.

He felt his face wet, again. He looked at his bedside table where a photo frame was placed down. He grabbed it and took a good look at the picture framed. It was a photo of the couple. Hikaru was holding Yuto tight in his arms while Yuto’s head was cuddling into the elder’s neck. The both of them looked happy and content. Like they had forever waiting for them and nothing was going to break them apart. 

Yet here Yuto is, all alone, in the very bed that Hikaru used to spend multiple nights in. Yuto will never find Hikaru next to him again, waking up to his face, see that dumb smile he loves so much, hear the beautiful laughter that makes his day, feel those lips and body on him again.

Never hearing Hikaru say “I love you” anymore to him, knowing he will say it to someone else. He held the photo close and started to bawl his eyes out. Yuto loved Hikaru. But he knows he can’t fix anything now. He can’t just go to Hikaru’s place and beg him to get back together. He can’t make Hikaru feel miserable because he is. He can’t ruin Hikaru’s happiness just because he isn’t.

Because Yuto loves Hikaru, so much. And he always will. 


End file.
